Perfect Preseason Predictions (PPP)

I started writing this predictions blog with the intention of very seriously predicting who would win each division and make the playoffs, but about halfway through it I became overwhelmed by how futile it felt to try accurately predict the season with my feeble mind. 

I thought back to a year ago and realized that no matter how many stat pages I looked at I would have never have predicted the Tigers to make the playoffs and win a series. So instead of trying to outsmart the season with my mind I decided to instinctually put each division in order, assign each team a win total (I was proud because I added it up at the end and I was only 7 games off what the actual amount of possible wins was. Forget what I said about my feeble mind I have a powerful powerful mind), and then only explain the ranking with the first thing that came to mind when it came to the team. 

Enjoy!

AL East 

1. The Baltimore Orioles (94-68)

Oh did you think because I wrote so many articles saying that the Orioles had a bad offseason and that they were wasting their World Series window that I thought this team was going to be bad?

Well I don’t!

2. The Boston Red Sox (90-72)

I would take them to win the division but it takes more than one good offseason to recover from a years long case of mid. 

3. The Tampa Bay Rays (87-75)

I’ve always felt that playing in the Trop was an advantage because it’s weird and throws teams off and an outdoor stadium won’t have that same affect but they’ll find some other weird advantage and use it to win a bunch of games.

4. The New York Yankees (83-79)

Without Gerrit Cole and Luis Gil the Yankees rotation goes from very good to alarming (big drop!). 

5. The Toronto Blue Jays (79-83)

To me the Blue Jays are like if you combined the Orioles rotation and the Yankees lineup but if Aaron Judge was a little worse. 

The AL Central 

1. The Kansas City Royals (89-73)

I shook a magic 8 ball to decide who would win this division.

2. The Detroit Tigers (88-74)

I’m doing a Birdman hand rub looking at Riley Green MVP odds.

3. The Cleveland Guardians (81-81)

The Guardians are doing an experiment to see how bad of a lineup and a rotation you can field and still win your division. I think they pushed the envelope a little too far this time and it’s going to bite them.

4. The Minnesota Twins (76-86)

Do you like a lineup with Byron Buxton, Carlos Correa and Royce Lewis? Well get excited to watch them each play about 75 games and very few of those all at the same time. 

5. The Chicago White Sox (55-107)

The drive for fifty five wins begins tomorrow!

The AL West

1. The Houston Astros (95-67)

Everyone is so ready for the Astros dynasty to be over and it just isn’t over yet.

2. The Texas Rangers (90-62)

Please be healthy Jacob Degrom. Please be healthy Jacob Degrom. Please be healthy Jacob Degrom.

3. The Seattle Mariners (80-82)

Last year the Mariners starters were incredibly good and incredibly healthy and the Mariners still missed the playoffs. The Mariners responded to this by adding Donovan Solano and hoping everyone stays healthy again. 

4. The (redacted) Athletics (76-86)

The A’s made a significant improvement to their starting rotation and I am confident that will propel them to a 70 win season. 

5. The Los Angeles Angels (68-94)

Please be healthy Mike Trout. Please be healthy Mike Trout. Please be healthy Mike Trout. 

The NL East

1. The Philadelphia Phillies (98-64)

Please go back to drinking normal milk Bryce Harper. 

2. The Atlanta Braves (95-67)

The Braves had a nightmare season and won 89 games it’s dangerous to say things couldn’t go worse in 2025 but I’m gonna say it. 

3. The New York Mets (87-75)

Opening day right fielder Juan Soto! Yay! Opening day starter Clay Holmes! Huh?!

4. The Washington Nationals (77-85)

The Nationals should be looking into some sort of division realignment to get themselves into the central. I actually think they have a fun team but they just stand no chance in this division. 

5. The Miami Marlins (50-112)

Every game not started by Sandy Alcantara is going to be an atomic bomb vs coughing baby matchup. 

The NL Central 

1. The Cincinnati Reds (87-75)

According to a Reds fan I know these guys are pretty good. 

2. The Chicago Cubs (85-77)

Every year MLB will pick a team to sacrifice to the Dodgers in a foreign country and this year it was the Cubs’ turn. It’s tough to start the season 0-2 but don’t worry Chicago this team is almost going to make the playoffs. 

3. The Milwaukee Brewers (81-81)

This team finds a way but…

4. The Pittsburgh Pirates (74-88)

As a fan of multiple smaller market teams I always hate it when people act like a star player “deserves better” than to be stuck on a team but Paul Skenes deserves better than this.

5. The St. Louis Cardinals (66-96)

Welcome to Chaim Bloom hell Cardinals fan I hope you enjoy your incredible farm system in 2029. 

The NL West.

1. The Los Angeles Dodgers (101-61)

The season doesn’t start until the ALDS. Also Mookie please don’t die. 

2. The San Diego Padres (92-78)

Do not look at the Padres Roster Resource – Team Payroll page, worst mistake of my life. 

3. The Arizona Diamondbacks (86-76)

You think it’s funny to sign away my team’s ace? Well I’m going to get my revenge on you by predicting you to miss the playoffs. 

4. The San Francisco Giants (72-90)

Buster Posey is going to win an award for most liked and respected GM of a 4th place team. 

5. The Colorado Rockies (49-113)

Just have fun guys.